did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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