I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
At least make sure they are 18
Why
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
