he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
