I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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