I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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