my phone needs a breathalizer
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
