I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize