I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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