based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
