Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
