bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
