im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
