Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
