Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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