Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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