hell yes lets make some ravioli
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
