the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Come share oat with me in your robe
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
