There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
