Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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