i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
