im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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