good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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