I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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