I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
