she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Randomize
