I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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