Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
