And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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