The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Rumble strips road head = magical
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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