I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
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Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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