I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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