No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
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He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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