i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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