I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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