True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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