I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
