Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
