While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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