Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
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and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
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i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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