I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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