WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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