He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
