Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
