Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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