New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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