This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
