So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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