And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
