So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
