dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
