I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We are two peas in an std pod
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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