I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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