so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
