dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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