i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
