youre lurking in front of me
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i've created a new STD.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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