Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
