You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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