Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
