I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
