i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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