I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
