Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
