I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
