mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
