Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
