I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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