I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
