"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
