My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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