i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
