Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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